Log

Thoughts so far

September 23, 2019 /

Most people seem to think I’m coping with all this (unusually) well. I didn’t expect that myself either… To a point where it made me wonder if I was in denial, too hopeful or too early in the progress.

The truth is that the last half-year I was already in the process of thinking what really is important in life, setting priorities, finding out my strengths and weaknesses, finding myself. Never expected it would be that useful!

If I cried my eyes out? No. And I’m not saying that to brag! It just wasn’t going to help! I probably cried more for all the love and support I got.

If I was scared? To hell! But only until I had all the facts and a treatment plan.

Thinking that it’s unfair, wondering why it happened to me, felt angry? Nothing that I recall. Probably thought of the whole situation as ironical. Because all that other feelings can neither help or change things!

Acceptance came along quite early! And it was for my best. Things moved on fast and maybe that helped as well.

So what do I actually feel?

Grateful, for all the amazing people in my life. All those that did everything from thinking of me to being by my side.

Thankful, for living in a country with a remarkable healthcare system (excellent regarding cancer) where I didn’t have to worry about anything.

Loved and appreciated.

Positive (for the moment at least…), thanks to people trying to convince me there will be a future!

*All days are not the same though and definitely not a bed of roses! I’m just giving you the big picture 🙂

First week after chemo
...and more thoughts!

6 Comments

  • meltash

    September 23, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Hey there, Stranger!

    Please don’t read too much about how you SHOULD feel, trust yourself, your doctors and nurses! I had 6 chemos and I didn’t feel THAT horrible though the whole process, stayed active…just relax when you have to and try to be active when you can…it’s only temporary, you’ll get through this…in this case being young helps…you recover from chemo quicker…
    Seeing myself with shaved head for the first time was very stressfull, I cried my eyes out…get all help you need at this point! after the initial shock – its getting better very quickly! First you can rock the bold head look (i went to some concert with that feeling quite a bad-ass) and then try all short hair cuts…to prepare myself for loosing hair I decided to cut my hair very short and my haidresser was super helpful & understanding…
    And you were so right about nurses…they are angels…still remember their hugs!

    Hang in there, Stranger!

  • Natasha

    October 2, 2019 at 9:36 pm

    By the way, I spent so much time choosing the wig, trying it on, but I only wore it twice! It felt so awkward and I wasn’t sure why I had to hide my bold head 😉 simple scarf or bandana did the trick and were much more comfortable…and it won’t be too long before hair start grow back 😉 just be patient…day-by-day…when even this is too hard…hour-by-hour…

    • Admin

      October 5, 2019 at 12:50 pm

      Well, managed to find two different ones… I love my scarves the most though
      A bit too cold to run around with a bald head right now!
      It’s good to have options!