-
Symptoms during chemo
A little sum up of my symptoms during chemotherapy in case you are going through something similar. Every person has different side effects and a lot of other things can affect how you feel. Try to stay positive and focus on what you can affect! My first three treatments consisted of epirubicin in combination with cyclophosphamide, repeated every third week, total of three times. Just before the treatment I had to take a potent tablet to avoid sickness. During the first four days I received corticosteroids as well and after that injections stimulating the bone marrow for a week. Main symptoms during the first week: fatigue, needed to sleep a…
-
Turning point
Here we are again… Same waiting room, same or maybe more stress (completely unprepared back then!). Got here early and I hope it suppresses my anxiety this time. That’s why I started this post. Waiting for results is worse than coping with it. The fear of the unknown…or maybe knowing too much, but then again not enough. Alone…once again! But am I really? I know there are people all over the world (literally) thinking of me right now. And my day started with positive thoughts already! So much is at stake right now… at least for my part. For them it’s either A or B, as they said. Couldn’t stop…
-
First chemo
Arrived on time. Stressed. Trying to make jokes! I’m getting both the venous catheter and the first treatment today. I guess some stress is acceptable. Spent the whole morning at the day treatment unit. Nurses walking in and out, a friend for company and first meeting with the therapist! Didn’t even want to leave the place in the end! Once again I have to acknowledge a nurse’s work. Especially those working with such patients! How do they manage working with cancer all day, every day? ‘If we didn’t know that what we do is meaningful and hadn’t seen all those people getting well, we wouldn’t do it!’ was what my…
-
First onco appointment
Oncology was probably the specialty I excluded first when deciding what kind of doctor I wanted to be. I always thought they dealt with so much pain and suffering and I would never have the ability to manage. Met both my doctor and my nurses today. I now realize what is actually going on. I have cancer! Spent a long time with them and I was alone again for the first time after the shocking first visit at the surgeon’s. But in an unexpected way I felt so comfortable, so familiar. Got thorough information about all aspects of both disease and treatment. The only thing I didn’t want to know…
-
Day 14. Operation day
For some reason not the fear I expected. My mom and sister are with me. I kept receiving phone calls, texts and support from everywhere. The last couple of days was trying to get everything off my head though and live normally. The surgeon arrives for ‘drawing’! That’s the first time I’m genuinely happy to see him. He’s my hero now…ready to give the first fight with my cancer! Kept seeing familiar faces all day long. Co-workers that is… that’s not how we should meet! But still taking care of me in the best possible ways! The operation went well, surgeon tried to give me a bit of a hint…
-
Day 9. Second appointment
This time having a friend for support. Or as a second ‘pair of ears’, a mind capable of following the discussion, whatever you want to call it! ‘You are not going to be alone! We are not letting that happen!’ I, that has always been independent, thought I could manage everything on my own… ‘My’ nurse (yes, you get a contact nurse during the whole procedure) greets us in the waiting room. ‘I brought my friend for support this time!’ ‘How nice! I think you are getting some good news today though…’ And she smiles while letting us in. What’s that supposed to mean? I still have a f- cancer…
-
Day 3. The revelation
Feels like having a lump in my throat all day. I must tell them. Fortunately surrounded by amazing friends that didn’t leave me alone for even a second. Colleagues that manage to have a different approach in such circumstances. We ended up laughing about the cosmetical results! After hours and hours of ‘conspiracy’ everything was ready for the big revelation. My ‘partner in crime’ had already started preparing and informing. All I needed to do was tell them a few more details and that I was fine. Not sure how convincing I was… But I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. According to an old saying from…
-
Day 2
Waking up at a place that’s not yours. Feels a bit like holidays… Enjoy because you’re cancelling your old plans. What shall I do now? My friends are at work. Maybe start writing down my thoughts…? Like a diary. Writing should be therapeutic! A beautiful swedish summer day! One of the few! I now realize how hard it is for people struggling with mental illness when facing such moments and not being able to enjoy it. Somehow many ‘tough’ moments in my life were followed by beautiful sunny days, and I chose back then to see it as a sign of hope. Doesn’t feel like it right now… Managed to…
-
Day 1. The big news
Well I start counting from here because if the results were different there wouldn’t have been a story to tell! A usual day at work… An intensive one. The appointment for the biopsy results just after lunch break. Luckily met a friend there and shared a good laugh in the corridor just a few minutes before the news that were about to change my life forever. Didn’t mention anything then… It was during those ten minutes in the waiting room I started feeling some anxiety for the first time. I was there alone of course because I never thought that it would be something serious. Texted a friend in the…