-
Spring
Life has taken over! So many things happened the past two years and yet it feels as if time stands still… last six months have been tough. A lot of work, a challenging change of workplace including a temporary ‘moving’ to a bigger city! And of course another half year of the pandemic. Regarding cancer, a new series of symptoms that I couldn’t ignore, new scans and thankfully results that had nothing to do with cancer! But the waiting is as horrifying every time! I wasn’t really sure I would make it…but so far I did! It feels so satisfying! Parts of myself that I thought I had lost forever…
-
Baby steps
New month, new plans, new trip! Recovering day by day… Trying to get back to a normal life gradually. One step at a time! That’s what they call rehab! So many aspects to consider… and the treatment is not really over! Six months have just passed… Looked at myself in the mirror the other day and for a second I wondered if all that had really happened to me. It feels so strange. But, yes it did; and it’s not over yet! I’ll try to focus on the things I can affect now. Time for a short trip! In between… Perfect time to meet more friends and new ‘little people’!…
-
Me and my busy mind
The past year was a total chaos. Just when I thought my life was about to start again…it did! In a much different way than expected though. I was looking forward to fun things happening but instead faced losses. Some of them bigger than others. Why is this happening? No idea… Through this journey I’ve experienced positive things as well. Some of them already named before. Last I can recall, a loud, genuine laugh among a group of women with breast cancer, some of them in a worse situation than mine. My thoughts and mood vary from day to day. Reflecting back on life choices, moments, people in my life.…
-
Beauty and the bitch
Last week before my next chemo. The highlight of this week was a makeup course for women with cancer. I was expecting this for months! The timing was perfect…my eyebrows are getting thinner and my eyelashes are waving goodbye! Luckily it’s happening very slowly…for now. Got a lot of products (for free!) and advice and above that met women my age also fighting breast cancer. We had a chat in the end. In some way it felt so comforting hearing lots of my thoughts, fears and reactions coming from someone else’s mouth! I’ve been sceptical about joining groups or attending meetings for patients. I was mostly scared that I would…
-
Chemo nr 3!
Third chemotherapy check! I start feeling it more and more… But still trying to hang in there. Not easy though! I could really use a trip right now!! I miss travelling soo much! And there are so many people I’d love to see! The reason I’m not doing it is because of the risk of infections… It’s autumn so high season for such! So for now I’m happy even for short excursions. I’ve had some challenging weeks lately. Turns out focusing on others’ problems wasn’t that smart during the first chemo week. I felt irritated this time and I don’t know what caused it. Exercise helped later on… But the margins…
-
Second chemo
Here I am, two weeks after my second chemo. I felt more prepared this time. Decided to keep a record of symptoms, side effects etc right after the first chemo so that I would know what to expect later on. I can now say it was a very good choice! I’m having a treatment every third week. The first week is the ‘toughest’. Can’t complain though… it wasn’t that bad this time. Felt quite normal during the second week both times. Let’s see how the third goes! More in the mood of doing stuff lately. I miss my friends so I’m trying to catch up. I’m also given a shot…
-
Thoughts so far
Most people seem to think I’m coping with all this (unusually) well. I didn’t expect that myself either… To a point where it made me wonder if I was in denial, too hopeful or too early in the progress. The truth is that the last half-year I was already in the process of thinking what really is important in life, setting priorities, finding out my strengths and weaknesses, finding myself. Never expected it would be that useful! If I cried my eyes out? No. And I’m not saying that to brag! It just wasn’t going to help! I probably cried more for all the love and support I got. If…
-
First week after chemo
Less dramatic than I expected. Just sleep disturbances from cortisone. The worst part was probably not knowing what was going to follow. So I kept trying to ‘push’ myself… Not able to plan more than 24 hours ahead though! Decided to surprise a friend on her birthday. She’s been my closest person this past year so I couldn’t miss it! I really had a great weekend with a couple more friends. Best mood so far! Is that expected or autosuggestion? Doesn’t really matter… Just be thankful! Besides surprising someone I had a surprise myself. An appearance from the past in a new version. One that got me doubting myself… But…
-
Day after chemo
They ‘ve warned me that side effects will probably start after 4-5 days. That means enjoy while you still can! Well, it’s not for sure I’m going to have any after just one treatment but you can’t know until you have seen it! So I’m taking my sister and going to the hairdresser’s to talk about wigs! Not as fun as i thought but let’s just get this done! Spent the rest of the day trying to do fun stuff and pushing myself a little bit further. *Sister: the person who gave up everything and is taking care of me (as if I’m a baby…) although she’s younger! Isn’t the…
-
End of first month- a short trip
I need a break! Well I’d rather hear that all this is a big joke but that’s not an option. So…eggs in the freezer, all other preparations done. Pack your bags and go! A short visit home, to clear my head, see my loved ones, charge my batteries and get ready for the next step! Just as I hoped! Filled my mind with images and happy thoughts, my heart with love and my stomach with good food 🙂 Somewhere there I decided to cut my hair short…as a preparation! And back to reality! Note to myself: only bother about the things you can affect and work on it!
-
Day 4. Butterflies
Migrating butterflies in bunches! Should I take that as a sign? An immigrant myself… Feeling like being in a cocoon (chrysalis to be more accurate) right now… Am I getting out of this? And will I be as colorful afterwards? Love surrounding me in all its forms! Actions and messages (long and short), feelings that people hadn’t expressed before. Things we don’t appreciate until a crisis hits us! Do I really deserve all that? More and more amazing people gathering around me! A cousin that suggests a short trip! Because she knows how much I love travelling! So grateful that she was part of my trips earlier this year! Tickets…
-
Day 3. The revelation
Feels like having a lump in my throat all day. I must tell them. Fortunately surrounded by amazing friends that didn’t leave me alone for even a second. Colleagues that manage to have a different approach in such circumstances. We ended up laughing about the cosmetical results! After hours and hours of ‘conspiracy’ everything was ready for the big revelation. My ‘partner in crime’ had already started preparing and informing. All I needed to do was tell them a few more details and that I was fine. Not sure how convincing I was… But I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. According to an old saying from…