Reality check

Here I am! Back to work… at the same place where I’ve spent the last months anyway, though in a different role. I can’t say that I have switched roles now though because the ‘patient’ part is not over yet.

Luckily I work part-time! Unfortunately in my job I still need to give 100% of myself at every moment. Which means no space for mistakes and misses even in such a short period of time. People think that it’s almost ridiculous to work two hours a day. ‘Of course you can do it!’ Yeah…

I myself would have thought that two hours at work are nothing compared to what I have managed before. But I find myself in a whole new situation. All of a sudden using the computer or doing the usual paperwork is becoming a challenge. Multitasking is an ability quickly forgotten. The only thing I might have become better at is probably listening… listening to my patients and being more compassionate. But all this requires a 100% percent of my energy…

Everything feels different. I know it’s too soon to judge but I already got the feeling that people expect me to start running soon when I feel I need to learn how to walk again. The ‘road back’ is not as easy as one would think. And even if others try to understand, they won’t! Honestly, I’m tired of explaining and I don’t look for pity either. At the end of the day we all sit alone with our own struggles. (Still thankful for all those people that keep supporting me!)

It took a lot of effort to get me where I stand today. I didn’t just lose a part of my body, I lost a part of myself during this journey. But I’m not planning on giving up now and I’m definitely not letting anyone drain me out. I’ll find it back!