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Day 9. Second appointment
This time having a friend for support. Or as a second ‘pair of ears’, a mind capable of following the discussion, whatever you want to call it! ‘You are not going to be alone! We are not letting that happen!’ I, that has always been independent, thought I could manage everything on my own… ‘My’ nurse (yes, you get a contact nurse during the whole procedure) greets us in the waiting room. ‘I brought my friend for support this time!’ ‘How nice! I think you are getting some good news today though…’ And she smiles while letting us in. What’s that supposed to mean? I still have a f- cancer…
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Day 5-8. A bit of everything
Realizing that I don’t remember much from the last visit at the hospital, decided to call my nurse to sum up before leaving. She started talking about chemo again…though they tried leaving a little ‘window’ open before. Or was that what I thought..? My memory and concentration suck at the moment. And I can definitely not discuss things as a doctor. As if I had never been one… ‘Keep in mind that you are a patient right now, it’s normal!’ Well no it’s not! Not for me! I’m on the wrong side… Anyway…i need to prepare for the trip! And right after that I’m having guests. Need to fix around…
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Day 4. Butterflies
Migrating butterflies in bunches! Should I take that as a sign? An immigrant myself… Feeling like being in a cocoon (chrysalis to be more accurate) right now… Am I getting out of this? And will I be as colorful afterwards? Love surrounding me in all its forms! Actions and messages (long and short), feelings that people hadn’t expressed before. Things we don’t appreciate until a crisis hits us! Do I really deserve all that? More and more amazing people gathering around me! A cousin that suggests a short trip! Because she knows how much I love travelling! So grateful that she was part of my trips earlier this year! Tickets…
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Day 3. The revelation
Feels like having a lump in my throat all day. I must tell them. Fortunately surrounded by amazing friends that didn’t leave me alone for even a second. Colleagues that manage to have a different approach in such circumstances. We ended up laughing about the cosmetical results! After hours and hours of ‘conspiracy’ everything was ready for the big revelation. My ‘partner in crime’ had already started preparing and informing. All I needed to do was tell them a few more details and that I was fine. Not sure how convincing I was… But I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. According to an old saying from…
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Day 2
Waking up at a place that’s not yours. Feels a bit like holidays… Enjoy because you’re cancelling your old plans. What shall I do now? My friends are at work. Maybe start writing down my thoughts…? Like a diary. Writing should be therapeutic! A beautiful swedish summer day! One of the few! I now realize how hard it is for people struggling with mental illness when facing such moments and not being able to enjoy it. Somehow many ‘tough’ moments in my life were followed by beautiful sunny days, and I chose back then to see it as a sign of hope. Doesn’t feel like it right now… Managed to…
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Day 1. The big news
Well I start counting from here because if the results were different there wouldn’t have been a story to tell! A usual day at work… An intensive one. The appointment for the biopsy results just after lunch break. Luckily met a friend there and shared a good laugh in the corridor just a few minutes before the news that were about to change my life forever. Didn’t mention anything then… It was during those ten minutes in the waiting room I started feeling some anxiety for the first time. I was there alone of course because I never thought that it would be something serious. Texted a friend in the…
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Day -8. Ignorance is a bliss
Just a week left before summer holidays. Part of taking care of myself included not ignoring things on my body. Starting with a breast lump. And today I had an appointment! ‘Triple diagnostics’ as my GP said. That means mammography, ultrasound and biopsy if necessary. Not having much experience as a patient I thought mammography was painful… poor thing! The doctor coming for the ultrasound almost laughed at me. ‘There’s nothing (pathological) on mammo. Let me palpate… I feel nothing!’ Well I’m probably exaggerating…young doctors always suspect worst case scenario. Moreover I had recently come across cases regarding women my age with breast cancer. [Not working with cancer myself, and…