First onco appointment

Oncology was probably the specialty I excluded first when deciding what kind of doctor I wanted to be. I always thought they dealt with so much pain and suffering and I would never have the ability to manage.

Met both my doctor and my nurses today. I now realize what is actually going on. I have cancer!

Spent a long time with them and I was alone again for the first time after the shocking first visit at the surgeon’s. But in an unexpected way I felt so comfortable, so familiar. Got thorough information about all aspects of both disease and treatment. The only thing I didn’t want to know was numbers, odds, chances. I knew overall that there’s a good prognosis and that it’s up to how my body responds to treatment. No need for numbers right now!

What amazed me was their approach. How they refuse to see this as a lost fight (I know there are different types of cancer, a lot of new treatments and a better prognosis for many of them nowadays but when you get such a diagnosis and until they tell you it’s over, it all looks like sh-!).

I got a bunch of leaflets, among others one for a beauty seminar! And you kept that for last?? Come on! The biggest fear/worry (besides not surviving) was losing my hair. I know it mind sound ridiculous but discussing such things felt comforting.

During this visit I accepted to talk to a therapist (probably not the best translation but anyway) later on. I had so many mood swings while I was there and even though it felt adequate with all the support I had and the work I had done with myself, I didn’t want to take any chances. I have a long journey in front of me and no idea what might happen!