Day 1. The big news
Well I start counting from here because if the results were different there wouldn’t have been a story to tell!
A usual day at work… An intensive one. The appointment for the biopsy results just after lunch break. Luckily met a friend there and shared a good laugh in the corridor just a few minutes before the news that were about to change my life forever. Didn’t mention anything then…
It was during those ten minutes in the waiting room I started feeling some anxiety for the first time. I was there alone of course because I never thought that it would be something serious. Texted a friend in the meantime…
The nurse arrives to welcome me in. I sit at the examination room for about ten more minutes. A very cozy room, not what I’m used to seeing at the hospital. ‘Why is it taking so long?’ A bit later both the nurse and doctor arrive… ‘Weird…is this what they do at usual appointments?’
The conversation starts with an awkward chit chat…a short one that I helped making even shorter. He went on. ‘You felt a lump in your breast…’ ‘Exactly…’ ‘Well, what you felt was actually breast cancer!’
Wait…what???
I sat there for several minutes shaking my head, avoiding eye contact and repeating something between ‘that can’t be true’ and ‘that can’t be happening’. Denial.
‘Do you want to call someone to be here with you?
‘Who? I have none!’
They keep talking. The nurse sits closer and holds my hand. Trying to support as much as she can.
‘Cancer, operation, chemo…’ are the only words I recall.
‘What do you mean chemo? The one that makes you lose your hair and look like a cancer patient??’
Probably the weirdest question coming out of a colleague’s mouth… I was fully aware of what it meant. Losing my hair felt like the worst part. It had always been a part of my personality and the first thing people commented on me! I’ve never even had it short!
After a while they let me alone to call whoever I thought was best. They would come back with some paperwork.
I suddenly decided who I would call. And it was all clear to me. My boss! It might sound weird to some of you but she was the person I needed at the moment. A short adrenaline rush and we went through everything she needed to take care of. After talking through what had just happened of course. And then a second call…because I would soon continue my education at a bigger hospital as we had already planned! Luckily for me a dear friend would take care of everything there. A few more practical issues at work and then on my way home…
Would I ever come back here? As a patient for sure. But as a doctor? Who knows…
When arriving at home I started shutting down… My closest friends (50-60 minutes away) kept calling. ‘You shouldn’t be alone…get over here’ or ‘I’m coming to you!’ I thought I needed to process this myself (isolation). But it wasn’t long before I understood it wasn’t going to work…
Packed a backpack and caught the next train! I was soon arriving at my friend’s. A night spend with mixed tears and laughter!
It feels so surreal! Like living someone else’s life…