…and more thoughts!

This week (third after chemo) went well by the way… hence the amount of thoughts! The only downside is that my hair started falling. Thank God I am prepared for that (not really…)! At least I have a wig…

I felt kind of useless the last couple of weeks when the only major decisions I had to make was the colour of my wig and what I would cook for the day (and not all days!). I’m used to solving much bigger problems, more complicated, issues regarding others than myself. A friend said somewhere in the beginning that I should be more selfish now, think less about others. Well, I don’t really see the point.

Life goes on around me. Others still have their own problems. They usually don’t want to share with me because they think I have something worse to deal with. That might be true but it doesn’t make their problems less important for them. And I would still like to be able to help! I’ll probably end the discussion saying ‘there are bigger problems in the world’ but not because I’m being insensitive, just trying to make them realize there should be an easier solution to it than they think.

At the same time positive things are happening as well. When I was diagnosed, two of my best friends were pregnant. One of them already gave birth by now. None of them knows anything yet! And here comes the thing about being selfish or selfless. They are both at such a happy moment in life. Miles away… I have shared everything with them until now but not this. What would it lead to? I already have more help and support than I could have asked for. Telling them would be devastating for them at a very sensitive period in their lives. As doctors we are trained to assess risk versus benefit. In that case the minimal benefit for me is much less important than the risk for them. So I’ll stick to my choice!

Life is all about choices. We can’t affect everything around us but we can choose how we look at things. I can’t change the fact that I have cancer but I can choose how I cope with it. I can choose how I treat people around me and how I perceive things happening.

In the meanwhile receiving more flowers, more love, more guests! Preparing for chemo number 2… But first, let me enjoy the weekend!